Wednesday, December 23, 2015

HOPELESS...

I lost about 11 kilos first half of the year.

Since we put the house on the market, and all the stress that involved... I've gained it all back.

I'm bloody hopeless at dieting.... staying on track.  I feel like giving up forever.

What's the point of yo-yo'ing for bloody years, and getting all depressed about it?

Just accept I'm going to be a fat tart and get over it.  Accept me as I am or don't ... I'm too crabby to care anymore.

SERIOUSLY?   I don't know.  It's how I feel TODAY.  Maybe tomorrow I will feel differently, but right now I just feel defeated ... by MYSELF.  It is my fault.  TOTALLY.

I don't cope with shit well... I turn to food to cope.  Only I just make things harder for myself. I am going to hate this summer, just like I've hated summer for the past 9 years.... cos when you are overweight, you REALLY feel the heat.  

Add bloody hot flushes into the mix!  Even worse.  SO. MUCH. WORSE.


So, that's me for now.  In a downer.  SORRY for being a whinger.

Taking Keera to Daycare in a couple of hours, then I can sew...and have shit go around and around in me head.  Self loathing mostly.

ONWARD...

2.54 pm:  my day so far... 
went to the mall for last minute stuff for presents.
Bought two more fans for the house, as all of our's are IN BLOODY STORAGE.  grrrrr.

Had a healthy lunch, followed by Christmas cake.  *sigh*   Couldn't resist it.


Sewed the last puppy blankets.  Moved the puppies into the garage, where it's cooler, and they will have more room once they are mobile.



ABOVE:  all done.  So glad I don't have to rush to finish them at the end of January now.

ABOVE:  my babies.... well ... I share them with Tallulah!  They are starting to get fluffy... and some are really attempting to walk.
I will try and get a short video of that soon.

Stew finishes work tonight, and will be 'on holiday' for the next two weeks.

We shall not be going away due to the puppies being here.  We can't leave them home alone.

Got visitors due this evening.  Hopefully Stew will be home when they get here.


Our visitors were Amanda, Andrew and their 4 kids.  We had a very nice visit, shared dinner, the kids played happily, I took HEAPS of photos (as I do) and will share some tomorrow.

For now, we are all tired and ready for an early night.   Quite a bit to do tomorrow in readiness for CHRISTMAS DAY!  

End of Day:  a hot, busy, tiring, emotional day.  
Went over 10,000 steps today!  AWESOME.
nite nite

28 comments:

  1. Chou and me both Chris but I went to the Dr last week and my BP was higher than its ever been even though I'm on meds. I've put on 20kgs in 2 years!! So New Year I'm not having any sugar to start. No cakes, chocolate, ice cream, all the things I like but it's a positive start. My sister has lost 3 dress sizes in a year. Remember you're not alone my friend. Try not to loathe yourself. Look what else you've done in a year. Love you. KJ

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  2. I know exactly how you feel, I bought new batteries for my scales a couple of weeks ago - delusion & denial OVER!

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  3. Kris you may be heavier than you want (as am I) but you are a beautiful person. I love coming on here and reading your down to earth blog. If things are overwhelming perhaps just start off by reducing things...baby steps... start by cutting down from 3 cups of coffee with sugar to two, 4 pieces of bread to 2...etc. Cutting down rather than cutting out reduces your calories but doesn't leave you feeling deprived. Again as others have mentioned, you are not alone :)

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    1. COFFEE!!!!!!! OMG, you have no idea! I ONLY DRINK DIET COKE! Sometimes I might have a hot chocolate, sometimes I might have a glass of wine or a tipple... but 99.9% of the time I only drink DIET COKE. :)

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  4. Anonymous8:44 AM

    Oh mum :( seriously after everything you have gone through and yea taken on lately you can't bag on yourself, your only human AND YOUR NOT FUCKEN FAT, and fucken no one can say you sit around all day doing nothing, we all have that one thing we turn to when we are feeling down or stressed, I no its way easier said then done but please cheer up, It sucks when we no your upset and down, we will all love you regardless of your weight xx

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  5. I bet it's Kelly or Steve, but who ever it is read, listen and take note of what they say

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  6. I think it's Lacey

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  7. Anonymous10:11 AM

    Hi

    I woke up feeling very similar today, I don't even want to go to a christmas function because of it...

    Peta

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  8. After years of yo yoing, I now just try to eat less sugar and exercise more. I have lost about 15kg this year, but it has been ups and downs all the way. I have made health the goal and not a number. This has helped me. I know I am loved at whatever weight I am, and I'm sure you are too.

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  9. I know exactly what you mean. Two gets married in 7 weeks and it's not as if I didn't know it was coming... they've been engaged with date set for a year. So yet again I face being the fat, frumpy mother of the groom.

    OR, you and I can try and love ourselves for who we are not what we look like. After all, our hubbies and kids do so I guess we should too, eh?

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    1. Totally.... must try harder to like myself.

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  10. We are woman of a certain age who have to deal with all the crap that life brings to us. We may be a bit heavier than we want to be but some of us comfort eat when life just gets to much. I relate ro everything you say but listen to the kid who sent you the message. I only know you through the blog but you are a woman with a big heart who is the matriarck in the family and it all revolves around you. This really sucks sometimes but where would either of us be without them.

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  11. Don't worry about the weight thing. I am in the same situation, and it gets stressful just thinking about it. So, I think we need to let it go. Perhaps, be a bit mindful of what we eat. But don't let in ruin our lives. You have enough stuff going on. You have a darling hubby that loves you and you look beautiful. Oh - and by the way. I too used to drink ONLY DIET COKE. I quit. Not sure why. It just happened. But, I do not feel any different, and it has not affected my weight. I am sure people tell you that stuff is poison all the time. Well - I stopped drinking it in July and ..... No difference! I don't feel healthier, I don't feel lighter. Nothing. So don't stress about weight. Just keep on keepin on!

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  12. Here i am another one in the same boat. Summer + overweight and dreading it. You are definitely not alone Chris.

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  14. Right babe. I understand how food is our coping tool. But being fat isn't who we are. It is just the state we are in right now and we can change that if we really choose too.
    Here is a challenge/ offer / support for you. I want to try for another baby next year. And you know the effort I had to go to for my first. So how about we be each other's support / teammate / cheerleader and set an achievable goal. And do it together. Starting 1-1-16.
    The offer is there.

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    1. I will try... but not promising anything. I start n stop so often its not funny anymore. It's just sad.

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    2. You are allowed to be sad. But only for a limited time. Then we are going to be such upbeat focused things!!

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  15. Chris, Honey - I know your heart is broken at the moment. Set aside this emotion because you cannot change it instantly and it is time to Enjoy your holiday.
    Believe me I fought the weight battle all of my life and lost. Then losing Doug and now the fight for my eyesight I have had to make a lot more changes in my diet and life-style. From my personal experience it takes a complete life style change. Number one -throw away that Diet Coke - the research has PROVEN that it puts weight on people. I know , I head you kicking and screaming about giving up something you love . Then you know the part about avoiding White sugar and white flour-yea, I know I was raised on it too. Throw in some kind of exercise (yoga is terrific because it makes you more flexible and increases blood flow) Gardening is good too - it just needs to be something that you can enjoy and not dread doing -or you will just lose interest. Especially good would be IF you and Stew would take up DANCING! Seriously-one of the best things you could do for yourself and for you as a couple. Don't start throwing yet- here is a link - watch her videos on her green smoothies. ( https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rNi9ycIjOHc&list=PLp8X74Uau68AukH1gjD-gODZ9ztFAlT9D) She is just a sweet , country lady who changed her and her husband's health by drinking green smoothies every morning. Her stories are very interesting and she shares what she has learned for Them as a couple. I was a doubter -but I decided to just try it. She adds veggies to their morning smoothies and that holds their appetite till supper. I didn't believe it until I tried it and it works. I even played around late in the afternoon when it comes time for those Munchies to smack you in the face . I tried some green drinks I call them and they take away those cravings totally. Another things that is Important is GET SLEEP! You would not think that affects weight - but it does BiGTIME! Those cravings used to just give me a fit. I have experimented lately with NOT FIXING the green drink late and the afternoon and I still want to eat everything in the house. Fix one of them (find one that you enjoy the taste. NO Sugar-the sweet needs to come from the fruits , dates, ect.) -you will be satisfied and no sweet cravings. I do Know it is a Monstrous Change. I know tons of people who just cannot do it and that is ok too. We are all different and should be loved for that. I still like the theory that the more knowledge we women gain - the larger our bodies have to become to contain it. ~smile~ I have lost 60 pounds in the past 3 years and still dropping lately? I cannot believe it myself. I love you dearly , Sweetie . You are one of the greatest ladies on the planet. Just love yourself and everything will fall into place. Hoping you have the most blessed holiday you have ever had! Let your light shine - I can see it all the way over here in USA! Big fat holiday hugs!

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    1. Bloody hell, you wrote a book! Some good sound ideas there, thanks.
      Diet coke keeps me alive! I would die of dehydration if I didn't drink it... I loate water! Hate tea/coffee too. Tried all the different ways to flavour water too... IKKKK>>> IKKK>>> IKKKKK!

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    2. You sound just like my daughter -she would rather die than give up her coke . I love you - I will just keep throwing ideas at you -never know when one might strike your fancy. ~smiling~

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  16. Yes it was #2 but if she didn't write it I would have.... #2 took the word's from my mouth....

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  17. Tis the season. I ate a ton of cookies yesterday dang it! But they were good lol. I've given up until the 1st. Then we are planning to get our shit together lol. I hope the visit went well!

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  18. I understand completely!

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  19. Much hugs and love to you. You know I struggle w/weight also. It has taken me nearly 2.5 years to lose 45 pounds. Slow, slow progress. I know you can do this over time. I think also honestly crap food does crap to your emotions, you know?

    Eat for health. Do the best you can for health. If you never get skinny, you will be as energetic as possible and have a good enough life ya know? I know how disappointing that sounds... but... that's where I am trying to be. I will never be a hottie, yk? I just want to not be tired and depressed always or be "the fat lady." :)

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  20. You are not hopeless you are dealing with kids grandkids house sale Stews Job, health scares it is all stress in varying levels stress causes high cortisol levels and they are dangerous, you know that. You do lots of things LOTS but do you really attach TIME to yourself? Yoga sounds great laying down for a start well mostly lol, swimming non weight bearing also a bonus take time for you re evaluate try something TOTALLY out of your comfort zone you say that weight watchers has worked before and you know all the drill, maybe a boot camp style regime is needed first to attack the foundations....

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